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Tuesday, September 14th, 2004
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Has my life been good? Personally? Yes. However, those who surround me are having hard times lately and I hate it when people I sincerely care about are down. I wish I had a magic fairy wand and some pixie dust (actually I do have pixie dust) to sprinkle on them and say abracadabra and make all their worries, stress, heartache and confusion alleviate.
it's just starting to take it's toll. It's not a burden, I always let my dear ones know they can come to me whenever, whereever. It's just with full time school (with philosophy readings up the wazoo, and I'm behind on ALL my photography assignments, which is cool because my teacher is a photographer and understands "creative slumps" and is totally working with me), full workloads (and I worked last weekend to get a $100 bonus), my sisters wedding, meeting new people (which is good stress!) etc. It's just hard when that "whenever" applies to you @ 3:00AM when you have to wake up @ 8:45.
- which comes to my GREAT conclusion. I no longer am yearning for a relationship. ::happy dance:: I figure especially with meeting new people (not just boys, mostly girls actually) and forming new friendships and bonds that a relationship would be hard to gamble right now. I'm not just saying this. I truly feel content about being single now.. See? If I was already in one, that would be one thing, but to just start one and to start dating.. Jesus, that makes my head hurt thinking of it, and it's no secret that recently I have been missing A' but after talking with him, I feel better, although I really feel it didnt solve anything which is PRECISELY why it made me feel better. I actually feel @ ease. Hopefully this feeling lasts for a while - I don't want to be sucking my thumb whining next week about how I miss love.. But hey, new friends are love, especially this Sarah. We hang out everyday practically now and I'm going to spend the night tonight! ::happy dance::
Speaking of my head hurting - philosophy makes my head hurt. Fuck these readings
Actually my head hurts right now - I think I'm just lacking sleep.
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, September 8th, 2004
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Remind me that when I become more advanced in my thinking to take a class on Analytic philosophy and to look more into Metaphysics.
Remind me that I need to find time to play guitar, it used to be my #1. I can't let it slip
Remind me that despite all the knowledge I may gain, all the great thinkers that I may read - that I am still me and have my own thoughts and beliefs and that nothing is wrong with that.
Remind me that optimism is going to slowly kill me one day
Remind me that I will keep walking through life bright-eyed with tears flowing down my cheeks.
Remind me to quit anticipating love, that their is more to life than that.
Remind me that I need to get off my ass and take photos ASAP, I'm behind on assignments already, see? More to life than love - photography
Remind me not to talk to exboyfriends about love.
Remind me to not be an optimist, but to also not to be negative. For life is still beautiful - for me @ least and for what I have. But I shouldnt have my hopes up for shit.
Remind me that I have amazing friends and people who care about me and that I can never forget that, I wish I could thank you all a thousand times
Remind me that I love to read and you are welcome to give me books
Remind me that I want a career in music and that I need to practice with Kim
Remind me that I enjoy nights with Joey and Kim.
Remind me that I enjoy nights with Joey, Kim, Jared and his friends.
Remind me that I enjoy it when Jared comes down on the weeknds.
Remind me that love is not all that it's cracked up to be, that society has just tainted it and trained us to crave it and want it.
Remind me why is that I have logic and emotion fighting. Why I want to badly to be in love and I'm sure I could have the chance to be in love, but I refuse to let it happen because it's not "healthy" right now?
Remind me that I am scared to death of dying and ever since Lindsay - it's on my mind and I'm fearing that it is going to happen again shortly with someone I know and love...
Remind me that it wasn't her time.
Remind me that she still had to much to teach and learn and could've given so much more to this life.
Remind me to live each day happy, and looking forward.
Remind me to also live in the moment and the enjoy it, savor it, taste it.
Remind me to watch sunsets more often before it gets cold
Remind me to start wearing sweaters and scarves
Remind me to stay positive through the death of winter.
Remind me to live as large as possible
Remind me to love as much as I can.
Remind me to keep each love unique
Remind me to keep pure and honest
Remind me to stay "good"
Remind me to stay happy
Remind me to quit listening to love songs that make me feel this way.
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and remind me, that maybe one day. I'll look back on this and laugh.. laugh with the person I love, or perhaps. I wont be in love, but will be content and laugh reguardless. I am content, well maybe not. But I am happy and life is good. I'm just a sucker. I can't help that I liked to be kissed, that I like to have sex, that I love to sleep with another person in their arms, that I like to trust another person, to share with another person.. I laugh to make someone laugh and I love it when that person can make me laugh. I love little jokes and sharp sarcasm. I love someone that I can talk with with, that I can hold hands with, that I can be bored with and waste time with be lazy and idle with and still have it mean something...
Until then - I need to quit craving and looking for it, because obviously I'm so sick into it that I'd be a fucking dumbass. I have so many other "loves" in this life that I dont' need love right now. Excellent friends, a person I'm dating who understands me and I understand him, school, work, hobbies, my little animal friends (my kitties and bastard of a hedgehog), 80's dancing, my apartment, my music, my car, my books, my mannerisms, just existing.. All of that makes me smile and I should be happy with that :-)
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Comments: Read 15 or Add Your Own.
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ewgirlew: you should try and come down in sept for the tattoo convention
DigitalChic007: ha no money
ewgirlew: psh
ewgirlew: you dont need money
ewgirlew: bat your eyes andmake some man do your bidding
DigitalChic007: HA! I wish it were that easy
ewgirlew: it IS that easy
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jesus h. Why do men think it's so easy for a woman to get what she wants? I WISH it were that easy.
So I have a lot on my mind tonight. Talked Beauvior with Joey. It felt nice talking about her. Simone' was such an amazing writer and thinker. I really would've enjoyed talking with her especially since she loved talking with American women. It was always thought that she was Sartre's lackie, but after they both passed - it was brought out that he actually got many of his ideas from her. I honestly havent really studied Sartre.
Anyway - I've read The Second Sex and have re-read many parts, but if I don't talk of it often, I feel as if I havent read it, and what I find interesting too is how many women own the book, but never read it. close to a thousand pages and beauvior with a vocabulary that can take the life of any normal man.. I know first hand that it's a hard book to read. I had a dictionary @ hand and the book took me months, but I finished it. It was worth it, sometimes she rehashed too much, but her writing is excellent and her ideas fresh (@ least @ the time) some even timeless, I wish she were still alive to update it.
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I was getting cramps today.. I hope I dont start my period, if so, that is a first, ever since I've been on birthcontrol I've always started on a Tuesday or Wednesday. (Next week) it's always exact.
- speaking of which, birth control is the shit. I'm so glad it exists. Because I'm on it. I no longer need zoloft nor lortabs. My moodswings are close to extinct and my cramps can still be painful, but not enough to keep me in bed and downing lortabs like it used too. I can't believe I used to not even be able to go to work or school they were so bad, I couldnt do anything and to think... They were just cramps. But I couldnt move, I cried so hard I couldnt breathe, I couldnt walk etc. Wild man, wild.
Babble babble babble.
I'm sort of depressed right now.
Joey said she loves to watch me walk. Kim says she likes it when I cuddle with her. Misty wants me to be her photographer for suicide girls. My mother and sister need me to pick my sister up @ 8:00AM. I should go now.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Saturday, April 24th, 2004
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| Time: | 2:33 pm. |
| Mood: |  amused. | | Music: | Yeah Yeah Yeahs. |
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All right, so now I'm in a decent mood. Goddamn being sick sucks my fucking left labia.
Really I am - in a decent mood that is.
Dancing to Yeah Yeah Yeahs. Really, I should be playing guitar to write new material for the band, but I feel down about that right now so we will not elaborate. ::claps to Yeah Yeah Yeahs::
Want to know a comical story? My rather shaved off his right eyebrow. Actually a comical sentence rather, I'm tired now and I don't feel like typing much else.
Work in a couple of hours, what an ENTICING Saturday night I will have to end an already INCREDIBLE week I've had.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, April 7th, 2004
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I went to Anchor Blue, it was the managers ONLY day off and I missed him. My luck.
I sincerely need a job. Maybe a new one that pays decent. Or a second one to go along w/ Journeys. Back down to one fucking day a week? Why? My numbers sucked ONE week. (Along with everyones) not to mention, even if I do get a raise. I still made more @ Target. Both starting and leaving. I loathed being a cashier @ Target, but @ least I got hours and got payed decent. No, I won't go back to Target. I bet fast food is better than being a cashier. In fact, McDonalds is changing from being a "service" industry to a "manufacturing" industry. I kid you not. It has to deal something with job titles and taxes. I guess if you say you are in manufacturing and you didn't send any of your business to India. Then you get a nice tax break. I wish I could make some witty comment. But I don't even make enough to even worry about taxes in the first place. So it's not my area to specialize in.
Kim took me up to Salt Lake and Misty decided to tag along ;-) (I kid) She was so excited that is was my birthday, when she got to my house she was bouncing around. We went to some sex shops, Pibbs Exchange, to get some coffee (actually hot coca for me since I'm anti-coffee). I didn't spend anything because I have to put my deposit down on the apartment. Then they dropped me off @ Monsoon Thai and I waited for A' who was late (traffic) and ate my favorite (but expensive) dish. We then went over to visit the lovely Shannon and Mike which made my evening a little brighter. I really dig them and it makes me want to move to SLC more and more. Not to sound arrogant. But the people down here are stuck in the same place. It's as if no one wants to move forward or change. Everyone has to stay in the same clique, have the same hobbies and do the same things. I wouldnt mind the same friends, I'm not dissing on friends staying the same, but I already lost the majority of my (old) friends when I first started to date A' because that was against the rules. But a few stuck through, they know who they are. But I've moved on and have grown up and can't believe how beautiful life can be if you just put your stubboness aside, and open up to others and accept them. Yes, it is slightly snobbish, but I want an exciting life (which I have) but I also want my down time, my boring time, and when someone can't keep up with me, I get bored with them. Good thing I have A', because we both outrun each other all the time. You know what he is doing for his birthday? he is WALKING to his hometown, Richfield. It will take him just over a week. Then the day he gets there, I'm driving down there, and taking him out to dinner down there.
I'm actually v. tired. I've had a good week thus far, and I hope it continues. Maybe I'll get signed to a record label-on looks alone-no demo. Now that would be a great RollingStone interview.
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Comments: Read 13 or Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 7:30 pm. |
| Mood: |  accomplished. | | Music: | Red hot Chili Peppers - fortune faded.. |
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As a journal I always run too when in fear, hate, dejection etc. I feel like saying something a tad more positive.
I flipped my matress, opened the windows, let my room air out. Lit some incense. Vaccumed, threw things away and made more room. It feels refreshed in here now.
My only downfall is that I was not outside enough today. It was a fucking beautiful day today. I wish A' and I could've gone for a scooter ride.
However, I did have a lovely band practice with Kim and Misty and we are recording on Sunday. Set date. I'm looking forward to it. This weekend is packed, but that is all right because I'm leaving for a vacation on Wed to CA. I'm real excited.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, February 17th, 2004
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| Time: | 8:06 pm. |
| Mood: | in pain. | | Music: | Denali - hold your breath.. |
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I dont' think I've ever had a worst dentist trip in my life-wisdom teeth aside. But then again, that is oral surgery technically.
- Anyway, I had over 20 shots in my mouth, on my lower right side, including underneath my tounge, it wouldnt numb (although it did eventually.) These were just fillings. I can only imagine what a root canal would be like.. So I've been drugged on lortabs, muscle relaxants what have you and icepacks on my face. I was asleep when I received a phonecall from my asst. manager @ Journeys saying I was supposed to be in @ 3:00. True, the schedule says that, but only 5 minutes after it was made, I talked to my manager and told him I coudln't come in. He told me since he just made it he could easily switch shifts w/ another worker and I. She was cool about it. Said she couldnt get a hold of my manager and no one would come in. (Losers, since I covered last week for the employee who is refusing to go in.) So she might need me to come in to help close since it's company policy because of all the money etc that you need more than one person closing. I'm just a bit miffed @ this. For some reason I feel like when I go into work tomorrow. I will be blamed for it somehow.
Speaking of tomorrow. I also have to take my psychology test. I have a lot of it memorized. But I need to get Eriksons chart of human development memorized. Odd, I had a dream about it the other night. All stages mind you. But for some reason I can't remember them when I'm awake. In my dream it had to do with a song someone wrote.
- In light of something positive. My boyfriend ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) biloba is as perfect as I could ask for. For some reason the past week he has been so considerate and kind, even spoiling me to an extent. He took me out to Thai the other night and then we went to Borders because he wanted MY copy of Index which has Moz on the cover.
So I gave him mine and purchased another one for myself with about 3 other ones. Dumb move. My splurging is done and all on photography/music/political/feminist and fashion magazines. While picking them up, I saw Caz as well. I chatted for a lil bit, but not long, (she also seemed to be in deep with a convo with Austin which was cool.) I was "judging" what mags to buy. I bought all of them except one. Then last night I used the VS giftcard my lovely A' got me for V-day: 2 bras and a garter belt, part of it went onto my VS credit card. ::sighs:: @ least my next paycheck will be hefty. (Hefty as in compared to the others.)
Now I think I'm going to write a song on my guitar (I feel inspired for some odd reason... @ least I'll attempt to write something.) Then study... Yes, I will study.
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Comments: Read 15 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, February 11th, 2004
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| Time: | 3:10 am. |
| Mood: |  exhausted. | | Music: | Kims violin. |
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It's nighttime, which means it's time for my ritual depression if I'm alone. I adore the night if I'm with friends dancing or asleep with my boyfriend. Otherwise, here I am, alone with my thoughts to reflect on the day, to rehash it and to get dejected, angry and bitter. I then sleep, wake up feeling refreshed and excited for a new day.
http://public.fotki.com/LeJentle/photography/kim_number_2/
That is probably my favorite photoshoot I've done this year.
oh and I like my eyelashes in this photo.
such a closeup man...
Anyway - is this arrogant? To assume that everyone around you is so fake and naive? Kerry will most likely win the democrat nomination. Funny how he is opposed to gay marriage and came from a rich family. Let's not let homosexuals get married because then they might have the same rights as us. You know, us humans. I was talking to Chris, a neighbor and friend of A's. He is in his 40's and stated that when he was younger, he remembers that it was actually a possibility to be president, that it was something that anyone could go for if passionate and dedicated. He said to me the other day, his son never thinks he could be president. Only famous rich old men can be that. Is is true you have to be @ least 35 to be president?
Haha. Funny, yet sad.
Actually, not everyone around me is horrible. It's me in this state of mind. I'm projecting and it's wrong. I'll be okay once I sleep. Once I awake to new thoughts and tasks. Band practice didn't happen and Misty didnt call which put me in an awful mood. Then I was called into work which was just dandy. Then I went to A's and he was v. sweet and was complementing me left and right. (ie, my photography, my looks, my attitude etc.) Which meant one thing. He was drunk, and then in 20 minutes he would rant off on something and he did. Politics, which led to a fight so that sucked. It's okay now, we cuddled in bed and talked about trivial nonsense that is superior to politics. But now I'm here reflecting and I don't like it.
Wed should be good - aside from work. Two photoshoots @ UVSC, so I will get to see A' and get free food. For some reason I wish Kim could come along. John Rees (my photography teacher) wants to do another shoot with her. He really dug her look. Awe, I luff my Kim. We will play with our instruments - together - on Friday. So exciting.
Oh and I've missed so much psychology due to my photography class. I'm going to miss a quiz, but otherwise I think I'm caught up? Hopefully. Mostly I'm missing out on lectures and notes for the test. THE TEST! I have to take it by the 18th. I have Freud and Piget charts memorized, but Eriksons is a pain. Jung was a dream therapist, a peer of Freud. DSM4 is a book, a diagnostic one. (That is all I need to know, oh and notes on the women we watched in class, the 4 women and their problems.)
I hate my life right now, and it's not even that bad. I'm weaksauce maaan.
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Comments: Read 10 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, February 3rd, 2004
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God, I'm so busy lately, it's insane.
Nancy is the best cat in the world. I'm so glad my mum let me take her in. She is really a good cat. She actually comes when you call her. She has a real sweet personality.
Anyway, I need to get ready. I have to go buy a mask (powder foundation) for the photoshoot on Wed. I'm stoked for it. Then I have band practice as well. I'm getting so anxious for this. Uber anxious. Misty can never make practice, and I hate driving out to Kims for it. (Although I love Kim)
Great, now I'm in a bad mood. Worthless.
also. I wish Simone de Beauvoir were still alive.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Thursday, January 15th, 2004
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I just recieved a phone call from my dad. Neither rolls turned out.
Now I feel stupid because I'm crying. Now I understand when you put in a lot of hardwork into something and get nothing out of it, (except some blank negatives) I missed my class, I woke up early, I was up late thinking , I spent several hours @ the shoot, etc. I wanted this shoot to be perfect, and I thought I got some real badass photos that now... What am I supposed to say next week? That this wasn't my camera and it is fully manual, unlike mine where I set it on manual but still have some minor things that automatically take care of itself that I never think of.
It also really bums me out because it's SO easy to do, just a few extra seconds would've saved all 3 rolls. If only I was told. But I feel stupid for not knowing in the first place. I feel so stupid and so frustrated... I was so excited for this. I spent so much time on this... As I was leaving Jon said to me, "I bet you'll have some of the best pictures."
In most cases. I could easily re-do it, but in this one I was obviously using the studio @ UVSC and I can't just easily use it whenever I want. I'll have to wait for "my day" and I'm in a group. Not solo, so we always have to use the same model etc.
I feel terrible. I'm going to lay down.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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all of that... For nothing... I was so stoked and was so careful when developing my black and white film. As I am rinsing... I notice that the negatives have no contrast. They certianately were exposed. But have nothing on them. Nothing. I was @ a photoshoot for three and 1/2 hours today and the image of Alexis in white go-go boots and a zebra mini-skirt are only in my memory now.
::sighs::
I know why too. I had the camera set to an ISO I didnt mean for it to be. I didnt notice until I shot my LAST roll of film which is E-6 (slide film) and no doubt it will be rad.. I just.. am dejected. I was so stoked on coming home tonight to develop these. I wanted to see some of the finished product tonight. I suppose I'm just impatient and I was REAL stoked on this outfit and shoot. Perhaps on my own time I will re-do it.
::double sighs::
The color reveresal will look smashing. Bright yellow and blue eyeshadow with bright yellow and blue sauconys. There she was perched on a blue chair with a yellow background. Rock.
- Anyway, @ work tonight "Fortunes Faded" by the RHCP came on and it made me think of kazatasupa that is, after I was finished lusting over Anthony. I was quite the lil produtive worker tonight. Skott was kind enough to let me take little breaks here and there. It's official. Now I'm onto a fever and my muscles still ache like nobodies business. I walked miles today on the UVSC campus and my gluteus medius is killing me and from carrying pounds of photography equipment and books my upper (right side) trapizeus and Latissimus Dorsi aren't feeling too well. (I like to use the "official names" for muscles sometimes. @ least I know my advanced health class in highschool taught me something ^_^.) Oh and my feet are always in pain 24/7 which leads me to ask.. Why am I numb on my left foot on the front side by my ankle? It's only a small area that is number and it's on the front side of my foot. Where the joint is. It's quite odd really.
and I'm annoyed with myself. All I am doing is kvetching. (I learned that word today... Hardcore \m/(^_^)\m/.) I should elaborate on the positive things, but that film incident really bummed me out man. Anyway, A' is doing well and we as a couple are doing swell. I missed psyhcology today due to the photoshoot which is positive since it would've put me in a bad mood and being sick it would not help. I had a fun time shooting Alexis, I love playing music with Kim and being with her, and Nancy the cat is attention starved as ever and Boomer the hedgehog is under my white box. My life is actually quite pleasing right now if I weren't so physically miserable... and had immaculate black and white negatives.
Good Jesus. I'm irritating myself. I even had to say it twice.
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Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.
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Sunday, December 14th, 2003
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Tell me, when did you sell out?
Do you remember when?
Do you remember when we were 15?
Remember how passionate you truly were?
Remember how the smallest thing was always sufficient
we all need money
we all need food
and we all need a job
but you have crossed the line.
When did your whole worth...
When did your all beliefs...
When did all your passions...
Subside?
Did you forget the reason you got into this in the first place?
Or have you always had this in your most secret desires?
You mold others to look like you
Give them a piercing here,
a tattoo there,
Dye their hair a brighter red.
Maybe give em' a mohawk.
Do you remember?
We mock those.
Mock those who take themselves far too seriously
who try to make a change when we know it wont work.
but @ least they have stayed true.
We have all changed
and maybe this is what it is.
Maybe you have simply changed.
Shameless promotion.
Make sure to be voted onto TRL when just last year
you would change the channel out of disgust.
All I want to do.
Is be in love,
is to write a book
to play in this band
to feed and watch my hedgehog.
to get a kitten
to share my beliefs
to see if someone else feels as trapped and needs help
I agree we need to watch out for ourselves
but I can't help that I want to save the world.
I'm not a republican
I'm not a democrat
I'm not for or against a war
because their is much more than that.
Because most people I have met, most people, including you
just want to live.
But somehow the few take over.
Take advantage.
I want so badly to ask another girl. Does she feel the same way?
Does she hate the bullshit society, males and females alike. Have fed to her?
Is she sick of being stereotyped, judged, and mocked soley because of her vagina?
Everything important she does, childbirth aside. Is trivilized?
Her anger you laugh @.
Her bitterness is from jealousy
Her passions are weak in comparison.
Her job is not as important.
I dont know why. But I can say with every ounce of everything I love. I truly, TRULY just want to reach out. Not to take over or to lead. Just to compare, to learn, to teach. I want to see if she agrees with me. Because you are too ignorant and too jaded to see the damage you do everytime, especially another female, when you bring me down. The irony you bring, how you bring another our sex down, because yout hink you are too good for it and want to run with the boys. How how ironic it is. Despite how I want to be my own and define my own. I am a female, I DO get judged whether I like it or not. So I'm here to fight and to see. Who is with me? I dont need to protest. I dont need to march the streets. I know how to get to you. Even this update I know some will read. Some will skim. But I know, @ least one person will read every word and think about what was said. Patience is a virtue and I can wait. I've waited since I was 4 years old wondering why I couldnt pass the sacrement.
- I know females feel the same way as I do. I just wish I could talk to her right now. Do any boys feel the same way as I?
But aside from my sexuality. I want it for all. I want to help out in any way I can. I want to put an end to the pity we give the handicap. How we treat them like a child. How we point and stare. How we feel so bad for them, how we give them highfives yet you KNOW you would never invite them to go dancing with you and your friends. I want the to put an end to genital mutilation in Africa. I want to, with my own hands, rebuild playgrounds in Mongolia. I want to help out, genuinely, anyway I can. Why? Maybe it's because of selfish reasons, maybe it's because I can't explain it. But I do, so much.
and I know the ticket. I know how I can get there...
... So I dont understand... How could you sell out?
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Comments: Read 12 or Add Your Own.
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Sunday, November 16th, 2003
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I feel good. I don't know why. But I do. A' has even been a sour-puss lately because he is sick (quite sick actually, poor guy). So he hasn't been the best company. But instead of getting hurt and annoyed by his behavior, I find it kind of funny. He'd bitch and go on about something that was pissing him off. Then he'd be quiet and get this little smirk on his face, and I'd ask him what he was thinking about and he'd say "solutions to the problem." I'd laugh and then he would get defensive and start to moan again. hehe
This is me in the hat he got me from Boston. I love it. I wear it constantly. If I saw this myself, I wouldnt care for it let alone buy it. But if you know A'. You would know why it is so adorable that he bought this. I can imagine the look on his face when he discovered it. I knew he pictured me in it. When he handed me the United Colors of Benetton bag and I opened it up. I knew it had Allen written all over it. This is something I expect from him. It made me feel good.
ANYWAY, good company tonight. satorisanctuary and nealaus stopped by A's house. Brigitte gave me the Second Edition of Women: A Feminist Perspective. An article on Scooter girls and a menu from a thai/indian/eastern food resturaunt in DC. It was v. thoughtful and it meant a lot to me. She found the book @ a thrift store. It's 52.00 on Amazon.com for the 5th edition copy. A' didn't talk much. Apparently he was high on medicine. I tried to take him to good earth to get some herbal tea for him, but he declined. havalicious made him some "sick tea" this morning and that helped out with his mood he said. I just hope things look up for him soon. I stayed with him the other night and he was up the entire time tossing and turning, he said his bones ached, his lungs hurt. I wish I could just touch him and make him better. But alas, I cannot.
Dancing I had a dear time w/ Kimberly dancing @ 80's night on Thursday.
- shit, something just came up. More later.
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Comments: Read 6 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, November 4th, 2003
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So lately I'm interested in the sexual life of Simone De Beauvoir. Apparently she had an affair with a 17 year old female student of hers. A Jewish girl named Bianca. Bianca? My brother fed that stuff to my cat once.
It also seems I am suffering from hysteria. As much as I loathe Freud. It's true. Good times for all. Especially the cause of this sexual frustration.
The post office is my new spot ever since I've had a seller account on ebay. I can't believe how many reciepts I have the the US Postal service in my wallet. I sent off some packages this morning. I like sending them off. I just wish I could send off a package to a friend. (Not saying that these ebayers are not kind and would probably make good friends.) Which I will do recently, to the lovely True. I also bought A' a box so he could send some goodies to an LJ friend named onehalfpint. I think he has a crush on her, as much as he denies it, even though he wrote down in his notepad that he had an odd crush on her. Which is fine by me. I had a crush on a 17 year old boy for a while who had his lip pierced. Hmm I sound bitter don't I? I'm not really. I need to get ready actually, A' has been sincerely sweet to me lately, tonight he wants to take me out on a date to Bombay House, the only catch is that I'm driving. But he called me today to check on me. To tell me he loves me, etc. Which was nice. It meant something to me. I've been dying to talk with Kim lately. She has been in my thoughts before I drift off to sleep. She is someone who tolerates my incoherent babble quite nicely.
Well, I should attempt to get ready since I will be leaving in a 1/2 hour.
edit 1:00AM Utah time
Turns out I don't have hysteria, even better times. Bombay house was v. good tonight and A' smelled terrific.
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Comments: Read 5 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, October 29th, 2003
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| Time: | 12:20 am. |
| Mood: | tired. | | Music: | No Doubt - It's my life.. |
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No Doubts cover of Talk Talks "It's my life" is exquisite.
I want to update, but I feel I lack much of anything to say.
I had band practice today, slowly but surely we coming along. Kim seemed frustrated with herself and tired as well (she had to babysit her niece). We have the first song we wrote pretty much down and we are synchronized and insync. However, the second song, perhaps the cooler of the two. Needs work. I change timing and go about twice as slow after the 2nd chorus quite abruptly and Kim is having a hard time following. I came home and I started to read Gyn/Ecology by Mary Daly. Wow, intense read. I'm not sure if I like it yet. It's odd because I was telling A' what Myths and Facts: Dreams, fears, idols in The Second Sex was about and then the first chapter of this book has to deal with mythology. I remember in 9th grade English we discussed mythology a bit. Brought back memories.
@ this very moment. Boomer is eating the little bits of PF changs rice left on a plate on the floor. His ears are perked up. I love it when they are. Now he just scurried off somewhere under my bed.
hmm back to the book. I remembered an article of women being either feminine or feminist. (I thought of the article because of how Mary is a radical feminist) I e-mailed Amber, the writer or the article and she e-mailed me back. Hardcore objectivist. Ayn Rand is idol. She seems to be a simulacrum of her. No Doubt she is smart and does her research. but I cant help noticing her ignornace and contradictions. Never the less, aside all her biased views on feminism. She seems like a cool bird, and was civil. Although because I stated I thought I was attractive, apparently that is bragging?
Now he is back to eating the rice.
I started my period today as well. I'm bloated and I do not like it. I'm also eating icecream @ this time of night. Why? My mouth will be sticky and dry in the morning no matter how much water I drink. Nevertheless, I'm drinking a lot of water, which means I'll have cottonmouth and have to pee @ 5:00AM. Excellent.
Okay, I need to go to sleep now. I'm actually getting on the sleeping schedule I want.
- check out the photos from the philosophy induction party on Sat. http://public.fotki.com/LeJentle/birthday_parties/
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Comments: Read 6 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, October 21st, 2003
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Okay, it's 1:00AM. I'm tired as hell, yet here I am, eating potato chips and Ben and Jerrys. (lowfat ben and jerrys mind you) and to think. I mostly sat around all day. I was on the net and computer for the most part adding photographs to http://jensphotos.envy.nu (the site is pathetic and needs a overhaul) and then the times I did leave this seat it was to listen to music, vaccum the house because I was bored (and it needed it) and to play w/ Boomer. No, I didn't even get up to go to the bathroom.
I'm going to be a fatty one day.
I'm officially addicted to ebay and selling off my wardrobe. Hell yeah. All my shoes have bids on them so far and my LAMB bag is up to $54.00. If anyone wants to see my items just let me know and I'll give you a link.
- Want to know something? I miss A'. He is incredibly stressed out and busy these days, poor guy. I wish I could alleviate some of the workload for him. I also don't know when the funeral is for Dusty (wtf is up with all this death lately? He also found out a childhood friend of his died as well. Good God!) and if he got a hold of valency hmmm the stress thickens.
best news Dallas Roberts is probably going to hire me as their photographer. I'll go on design trips to CA and NYC and get paid. Oh and speaking of taking photos of beautiful people...
too_faced did my hair and makeup for her portfolio and possibly to be hung on the walls @ Dallas Roberts, another model, Rachel, took the photo.
...don't EVER read Milk Run by Sarah Myljoskakdjlskdj. I thought it was going to be superficial, comical and witty like Bridget Jones' Diary. But alas, it's only superficial. Annoying too.
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Comments: Read 6 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, October 15th, 2003
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| Time: | 2:14 pm. |
| Mood: |  crushed. | | Music: | Red Hot Chili Peppers - Could've lied. |
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Another sad sad story. Roxy is gone now too.
She got distemper from Syd (or maybe she already had it from the pound) we put her to sleep this morning, she was throwing up all night, just stomache acids. We took her in this morning, and my god. She died almost instantly. On the way home, I just crying so hard, hyperventelating. I was petting her lifeless body, hey eyes were still open. She was limp. I kept hoping that maybe she wasn't dead, that everything was going to be okay, that she would wake up and start to purr. She was such a beautiful kitten, so full of life, she followed me around the house and she loved my guitar playing. She was a pig and loved to eat. Playful, soft... Everything...
Why does it hurt so much? I got attached so quick.
- anyway, I was supposed to go to Feminism today, but did not make it, I just layed down and drifted to sleep and dreamt of her. Dreamt of many things actually. I'm okay until the image of her after she passed away pops in my head. She had these cute little eyes...
Well, A' and I have plans today. I need to get ready. Also, if anyone wants a concert Gwen Stefani LAMB bag, I have one up for bid on ebay
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=3435894698&category=45228
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Comments: Read 6 or Add Your Own.
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Saturday, October 11th, 2003
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| Time: | 3:01 pm. |
| Mood: | depressed. |
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Syd died around 9:00 this morning. She had distemper. As she was passing away, Roxy was right by her, sniffing her and meowing. We took her in to put her to sleep, because she was just suffering. We had to wash and disinfect everything, I hope it wasnt passed onto Rox.
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Comments: Read 9 or Add Your Own.
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Monday, September 29th, 2003
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Wednesday, September 24th, 2003
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| Time: | 1:43 am. |
| Mood: |  artistic. | | Music: | Morrissey - will never marry. |
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nothing is worse then having to explain yourself. ::coughs:valency:hack::... ::snorts::
Trust me, I am not mysterious nor am I hard to figure out. I sincerely promise this. Anyone who has a sense of humor as dry as mine (or maybe even a little bit humid) can see through me like a used bar of Neutrogena (I stole that line) Caustic? Sometimes yes. Keeping a straight face while answering a question about myself w/ an obvious lie that I think everyone else know is false, but I end up having to explain myself? Yes. I really am a nice, easy going and open person, I just have incredibly thick skin. I do not get offended with anything really. (Although boys constantly like to hound my feministic views with lines such as "women belong in the kitchen!" Thinking that I will actually get defensive and talk of oppression let alone, even care.) After recieving death threats it's kind of hard to take anything too seriously. Seriously
But I'm sure someone could prove me wrong, someone can always do that.
~ Wrote a new song today. Yes, it's lovely, why? Because it's a semi-simple line that is catchy, will get you moving and my drummer, Kim, can write a drum beat to it ::snaps fingers:: like that.
biloba purchased these faux glasses for me to "match" him.
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Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.
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good.
blah.
pleased.